Your patience has been tried time and time again, first during your marriage and now after your divorce. The drama from this high-conflict marriage and, ultimately, high-conflict divorce remains, and will not likely disappear any time soon. You have to live with this, and you know it affects you and your children.
Coping with a high-conflict divorce promises to be another personal challenge for you. You have known that for some time that you must come up with specific strategies that will help you deal with this no-win situation. Set boundaries, ignore personal attacks and also protect your children and yourself.
Setting boundaries
This is not going to be easy as long as this emotional sparring continues with a hostile former spouse. However, some tips do exist that just may prove effective when thrust into this situation. Some of the things you can do include:
- Set boundaries between the two of you. Clearly state that any conversation with your ex-spouse focuses on parental dealings and your children. There is no point in revisiting the issues that broke up your marriage. They were unresolvable while you were married, and they remain unresolved. Stick to the script.
- Your line of discussion with your ex-spouse must target specific goals; the ones that must be addressed. Some of the talks may focus on the necessary adjustments in your child’s schedule that may include dental and medical appointments as well as selecting summer recreational activities, camps and education. Do not say any more than you have to.
- Ignore personal attacks. That may be difficult to do if you are a sensitive person but try your best. You know that your former spouse’s goal is to attack and hurt you. There is no way you can control or influence your ex-partner’s emotions. Concede that. However, understand that you remain in control of your emotions. Taking the high road nearly always triumphs.
Even if you could turn back the hands of time, you likely would not consider doing so. Why revisit a relationship that is heading toward a crash? But, after a divorce, you must deal with the remnants. An obstacle remains when dealing with a toxic ex-spouse. Do your best to avert any confrontations but attempt to control the direction of all discussions, especially those related to your children.